Remembering Riley

I don't remember the first few weeks because they kept me asleep except to check if I was brain-dead. I was intubated and kept asleep while my stomach was open, while they waited to see if my liver would start growing back. I had lost 60% of my liver, and while they waited patiently for it to show signs of growth, I was on the transplant list, and the incision was left open. Finally, when they closed me up, I was able to be awake longer than five minutes. The first memory I can remember is the ones where the doctors and staff would come in and ask me the tough questions. "What is your name?" "What is your birthday?" "Do you find fish in the water or the trees?" "What color is grass?"

When I say hard questions, I mean some of them were really hard. I had to think about the fish question because Dr. Seuss' orange fish in the trees was the first thing to pop into my head. I was so confused, I think I really believed that you could find fish in trees. But then I remembered it was a kids' book, and my brain quickly said water before I embarrassed myself by saying both. After they asked all the basic questions, they opened the door, and outside of it, there was some guy in a hospital bed looking at me like he knew me. I was confused and a little nervous. He looked handsome, but he was also looking like a crazy person. This stranger's eyes were so wide, and his beard was very bushy. I didn't know anyone with a beard, I thought to myself. Then all at once it hit me. A few years of my life clicked in my head. I knew him, he was my BEST friend.

I began screaming, "Hey, I know him! That's my friend! That's my best friend!" They rolled him in, and he was tearing up seeing me all wrapped up in wires and tubes coming out of me. I kept yelling, "That's my best friend!" and the hospital staff were all awed and tearing up. He got panicky and looked at my mom, back at me, back to my mom, and then again at me. He asked, "Why is she saying that? Why are you saying that? Why is she... Brittany, I'm your husband..." I had no Idea, I was still remembering him as if it was just the first year we had spent together. When he told me he was my husband, I quickly agreed, "I know... but you're also my best friend". I was so quick with it, I don't think he realized I had no Idea who he was just five minutes ago. I think I saved his feelings and that moment. He just looked at me crying and kept saying "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry". I didn't know why he was apologizing. I had forgotten about how the accident occurred, but I think he felt remorseful for it occurring. We held hands for a bit, and as quickly as he was rolled in, they rolled him back out.

Would you prefer to remember the first few weeks or forget?